Returning to Practice....After a Time Away

After a time, my practice dwindled.  Now, it's time to return.

There are many things that can derail a householder practice:  family obligations, a job, the ten thousand things of living in the world, health issues, and these days - electronic distraction.  We are all likely to fall off the cushion for one or more of these.  For me it has been caring for elderly parents, professional obligations, a broken ankle, an iPhone, and fatigue borne of all of these.  Practice fell away over several years.

Bodhidharma likely foresaw many of these, but I would particularly like to hear what the bearded barbarian would say about our present-day electronic distractions.  This seems applicable:

“But people of the deepest understanding look within, distracted by nothing. Since a clear mind is the Buddha, they attain the understanding of a Buddha without using the mind.” - Bodhidharma

And so, today, I return.  For encouragement, I have colored in one eye of a Japanese Daruma doll (達磨).  The tradition is to color in one eye when you make a vow to persevere in some endeavor, and
the other when you have achieved it.  The irony is not lost on me, as the Heart Sutra says: "Attainment too is emptiness".  So the other eye will never be colored in.  And yet, it is a way to mark intentionality of re-starting on the Path, although you don't ever leave it.

The Way Is Not Straight

There is no one true path, but all paths are on the Way.  As householders, our travels along the Way are are often crooked and interrupted.  There are obligations to loved ones, profession, and the craziness of living-in-the-world.  Committing to daily practice is difficult, and getting side-tracked is common.  When I first began, counting the breath up to 10 without my mind drifting away was almost impossible.  Sometimes it still is.  Sitting every day has been challenging, and there are stretches where I have been "off-mat" for weeks.  Today, in my 50th year, I am striving to sit zazen each day for a year, 365 days.

Just Sit, Every Day...

It's been very hard to keep a consistent practice this last eight months.  A move, family events, and much work have all converged to make daily zazen very difficult.  Most days, I can snatch 10-20 minutes to sit, usually at the end of the day, exhausted, sleepy.  I was not able to go to sesshin this year either, and making it to the zendo three or four mornings a week has not happened.  Often I wonder if I will ever be able to sit for two hours a day consistently, one in the morning, one at night.  The old masters might say that I do not have the burning desire for enlightenment.  Perhaps that type of enlightenment can best be sought via monastic practice.  But with a family, that is not really possible.