The First Gate of Fear

I met fear today, utter, total, fear.  Going up to the top of the CN tower in Toronto with my daughter.  It has an observation deck with a glass floor, looking straight down about 446 meters (1,450 feet).  The glass is very thick, and you can stand on it and look down....all the way down.  The sign says that the glass can support 14 hippopotami can standing on it.  Maybe....but this one terrified Zen householder could not support no-mind looking down and standing on the glass.  I knew that the glass was strong, saw others standing on it, and knew I could not fall.  I still could not do it, and gripped by terror, could not penetrate  this gate.  And Mu will take no less than this, no less than everything....

Hammer and Nail

When all you have is one approach to the Great Way, you become a hammer looking for a nail.  The Way contains all things, and we must be lithe in our walking to take every step mindfully.  With all of the unanticipated turns and uneven ground, we must adapt our stride continuously.  If we are rigid, we become the hammer in search of the nail.  If they nail does not appear, we may be tempted to whack something anyway, just to feel the heft of the hammer and hear the ring of the blow on the nail, any nail, even no-nail....

Daily Grind

Making an effort once again to make room for daily zazen in the mix of work, attention to family, and all the rest.  Of course, all is part of the same fabric and web, but it sometimes feels at the end of the day that all I did was grind it all up, mix together well, and exhaust myself.  More sleep might help to stay awake in the zendo, more zazen might help me to be fully present when blowing bubbles with my younger daughter.

Make your own travel zafu

For zazen when traveling, a travel zafu is essential. The ideal travel zafu is light, collapsable, and does not take up much space in your luggage. It is not too difficult to make your own travel zafu, which is basically a zafu cover willed with an a partially inflated beach ball.  Sewing instructions for a zafu cover can be found here.  It takes about 3-4 hours, depending on how good you are with a sewing machine, and longer if you sew by hand.  You may want to consider a sturdy fabric, as outdoor zazen while traveling can be very inspiring, and the covers can get dirty.  A supply of beachballs can be ordered from various sources, and I find that the 20" size works pretty well.  Remember, the beachball will only be partially inflated.  I have tried a few things for a travel zabutan, but they are all bulky, such as yoga mats or air matresses.  If you have any suggestions, please contribute!