Beach Zazen

Traveling with family, it is hard to find the time and place for zazen.  The room at the inn was crowded with the shrapnel of clothing and stuff from 4 people.  So, I took my inflatable zafu down to the dunes by the ocean, and sat on a bluff overlooking rocks and sand.  It seemed fitting, as the travel zafu is basically a beach ball with a fabric cover.  The sound of the waves made concentrating on Mu very difficult.  A dull roar, pulsating, changing, the sound never the same, and punctuated by the gulls.  Thoughts of my family, and guilt at taking this time away from them.  Sunset, and returning to them, always, like the breath, like the koan....

Ring The Bell

I am fortunate to live 8 minutes away from the zendo, by car, if the 5:30 AM traffic light karma is favorable.  Flying through the zen center door, putting on my robe and gathering cushions.  The warning bell is struck, and fading harmonics echo through the building.  Ten thousand things, and "only Mu!" merge as I settle on my zafu, feeling the energy of a seasoned zendo.  Breath, no breath, fading resonance of the "I" that is not...here and now.

Just Sit, Every Day...

It's been very hard to keep a consistent practice this last eight months.  A move, family events, and much work have all converged to make daily zazen very difficult.  Most days, I can snatch 10-20 minutes to sit, usually at the end of the day, exhausted, sleepy.  I was not able to go to sesshin this year either, and making it to the zendo three or four mornings a week has not happened.  Often I wonder if I will ever be able to sit for two hours a day consistently, one in the morning, one at night.  The old masters might say that I do not have the burning desire for enlightenment.  Perhaps that type of enlightenment can best be sought via monastic practice.  But with a family, that is not really possible.  

Cutting Karma

It is not easy to finish an action that will cause another person to suffer, even if you believe that you have exhausted all other options.  Delusion and karmic patterns often lock us into cyclical and codependent patterns of suffering.  To break that pattern can be very painful:  leaving a lover, evicting or firing a person, tough love with your children, self-discipline.  My teacher tells me that this is the heart of Zen.  Sometimes true compassion is kindness, soft, and comforting;  other times it is hard, jarring, and painful. Don't flinch!